Conspiracies and Epiphanies

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So Conspirators was on my Netflix queue so I threw it on my list. I didn’t really remember why I added it, but it seemed interesting enough so I didn’t question. The first thing I noticed was Justin Long. I love him, so maybe that was it.

Then Alexis Bledel showed up on screen and I was almost positive that was it. I’m a Gilmore Girls fan to my core, and anything with Alexis Bledel automatically makes it to my queue. But funny enough, that wasn’t it either.

The trial began, I caught a small glimpse of one of the judges and I immediately remembered why it was on my queue. One of my friends from back home had a small, non-speaking, fairly inconsequential part. And I flipped my lid. I was over the moon seeing someone I consider to be a friend and mentor in many respects, sit in a chair on screen. I was just so excited to see someone I know doing something this awesome.

Then I had this moment of clarity. That’s what I want. I want to do great things and I want to make a difference and I want to make the world a better place. But I also what to do something so awesome that people from my past will be proud to have known me.

And quite frankly, that’s stupid. Of course, there are a select few people who I hope will be proud of me. But I have this sneaking suspicion that they’ll be proud no matter what I do. Most of the people in my past treated me like crap. They made me feel less than human and they convinced me that I was ugly and then reminded me of it on a daily basis. And you know what? Screw them!

I mean, I don’t wish harm on them. But I want to do something that proves they were wrong about me. Except I’ve proved that already. I’m doing something with my life. And I’ve learned how to accept myself and even love myself. That’s what’s really important. I spent too much time caring what they think about me, and I’ve decided I don’t want to care anymore. So I’m not.

And that’s what I figured out when I watched Conspirators.

Also, P.S. – Brett Brooks was the person in the movie. He just published a graphic novel, Dust Bunny. You should check it out. I read it in a matter of hours. The last time I consumed a book like that, it was The Hunger Games. So yeah, it’s great. And you should give it a shot.

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